Outlandish Predictions

Last week when the Cliff Lee news was all but official, everyone started calling out about what this means for the Phillies, the National League, and the balance of power in the game of baseball.
That got me thinking and soon enough I had a whole list of things that I think will happen in the next few years as a result of Cliff Lee’s decision.
  • In the wake of becoming the World Series favorites, Phillies fans will act like perfectly decent, rational, and reasonable human beings.
  • CC Sabathia will opt out of his contract after next season to join his buddy Cliff in Philly.
  • AJ Burnett will stow away in CC’s luggage, but will be discovered in transit and redirected to Pyongyang as a joke.
  • The Pittsburgh Pirates will join the Nippon Professional Baseball league as an expansion team. They will still not be very good.
  • For every 5 starts next season, the Phillies’ starting rotation will average 3 perfect games and 1 no-hitter.
  • To level the playing field, Bud Selig will unilaterally declare that Philly pitchers will pitch with the opposite hand from this point forward.
  • The 2011 All-Star Game will be played between the Philadelphia Phillies and a team of All-Stars from the other 29 teams.
  • Cliff Lee will permanently damage his throwing arm while picking up an overstuffed cheesesteak.
  • We will then discover that, in little league, Lee was forced to throw with his left hand because he was too good and it wasn’t fair to the other kids. When he goes back to being a righty he will become an even more dominant pitcher.
  • Hal Steinbrenner will sell the Yankees and then attempt to buy Pennsylvania with plans to bulldoze the entire state.
  • In 10 years when his book comes out, Cliff Lee will reveal that he declined New York’s offer because he knew they would make him shave his soul patch.
So, that’s what’s going to happen. You heard it here first!
I’ll admit that every single one of those was ridiculous, but is it anymore ridiculous than claiming that this rotation will be the greatest of all time before a single pitch has been thrown? Didn’t think so.
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About Mike Luna

My name is Mike. I am an avid fan of the Texas Rangers. I like reading and jogging, but I don't do either nearly as often as I should. I like writing about more than just baseball. Your opinion is your own, but please be respectful. Everyone is welcome in The Bleacher Seats.
This entry was posted in not Texas Rangers baseball, outlandish predictions, pitchers and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Outlandish Predictions

  1. I know that soul patch would be the end of Cliff Lee!

    Also, I am really enjoying your blog posts. They are well explained for people like me who are not full on insiders while still being interesting and in-depth for those who want something a bit more. You are a good writer

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